Dating During Cancer
Without Cancer, dating can be overwhelming and daunting. Add cancer to the equation and it may feel more complex. It is possible to have fun with dating and enjoy connecting with others throughout the cancer process, but it may require a bit more planning. Keep reading for tips on dating during cancer.
First things first, self-love and self-compassion…
Cancer can be quite hard on your self-esteem and ability to accept the changes that may be happening in your body. Some folks with colorectal cancer may require an ostomy (and ostomy bag) or surgery, which leave scars and new complexities. You way you feel about your body may have changed because of the diagnosis, the side effects of having cancer or the side effects of treatments. Regardless of the many changes that you are experiencing in your body, it is important to prioritize loving your body and giving yourself compassion as you are navigating a very difficult situation. Surround yourself with people who support you and lift you up. Write down the things you love about your body. Take care of your body in the way that makes you feel best whether it’s working out or relaxing. Do things that make you feel good too, like wearing your favorite outfit, putting on your favorite make-up, or reflecting on all the great things your body has done for you.
Disclose on your terms…
One of the most common concerns I hear is that folks do not know how or if they will disclose their cancer diagnosis to a potential date or new partner. Going on a date can be hard, but then adding your cancer diagnosis to this makes it even more complex. Not everyone understands cancer, its side effects, or how it affects you personally. Ultimately, it is up to you when it comes to when and how you will disclose this information to anyone. You may want to make a pros and cons list to determine when and if you will disclose this information. If you decide to tell your date or potential partner about the cancer you were diagnosed with, it may be helpful to practice the discussion with a friend or family member ahead of time. Remember, your diagnosis doesn’t determine who you are. Be proud of yourself for going out and be proud of yourself whether you tell them about your diagnosis or not. Alternatively, you could contact me, and we could practice together.
Know your limits…
Your energy levels and physical limitations may be affected by cancer and treatment. It is important to know what your limits are so that you are not going above and beyond your abilities. Doing too much may make you feel unwell and have an impact on the following days, and that is no fun for you! Plan realistic activities for dates and set boundaries around what you are willing to do/not do.
Communicate your needs…
You are the expert of your own body and I invite you to make your needs known. If the activity planned for the date is becoming too tiresome, communicate that to the individual. Even if you do not feel comfortable disclosing the cancer diagnosis, you can simply tell your date that you are tired and would like to do something different or go home. If you have opened up to your date about the diagnosis, it can be a bonding experience to talk about your needs, fears, hopes, and journey. Communication is key!
Find your support network…
Having friends, family, community, and a professional to talk to about the process of dating with an illness can be encouraging. Facing challenges alone can be quite difficult – there is no need to do this alone. If you do not have a support network, reach out to me and we can discuss ways to build a network of supporters that will lift you up on the darkest of days.
