There are No Bad Emotions!
When we experience large emotions, our first instinct is to want to get rid of them, avoid them, or push them so far down we forget about them. What if I told you that this can make the emotions larger, stronger, and more likely to impact you? Finding ways to make friends with the emotions that come and go can be more beneficial in the long run. Emotions act as messengers and protectors in our lives that keep us alive and well!
What do my emotions do for me?
Some emotions you might feel are sadness, anxiety, anger, joy, fear, shame, guilt, and many more! Sadness tells us that we lost something important to us. Anxiety tells us that something bad happened to us before and now we must be super aware to be sure nothing else happens to us. Anger tells us that someone or something harmed us or took something away that we cherished. Fear may be telling you that there is a potential threat. Guilt shows up when we feel we did something to someone else or ourselves that are not in line with our values. Shame tells us there is a lack of connection with the people we love the most. Joy shows up when we are living life according to our values.
If we didn’t have fear or anxiety, we wouldn’t know when we are in danger and would likely do things that harm us, or worse. If we truly got rid of anger, we wouldn’t know when things have been done to us that is harmful, unjust, or inhumane. Without guilt, we would hurt others without even knowing it. Without emotions, we would all be numb and robotic. No emotions are bad – they serve a very important purpose in our lives.
Why can’t I just ignore my emotions?
Research shows that when we suppress or ignore our emotions, they show up through unwanted behaviors, intense emotional blowouts, and physical symptoms. Have you ever heard of the saying “If you struggle in quicksand, you will sink more” – well the same applies to emotions. The more you fight back and try to get rid of an emotion, the more intense you will feel it. Another analogy is you are being chased by a tiger and someone tells you “Just don’t think about the tiger chasing you” or “ignore the tiger behind you”. Imagine that tiger being an emotion – you cannot just ignore it or not think about it because it will catch up to you at some point.
Many of us will ignore an emotion or push it down and then wonder why you have an anger outburst or a crying episode. Sometimes, unexpressed emotions can even show up as physical symptoms such as pain, headaches, muscle aches, and much more! The key takeaway here is that you can only run from the emotion for so long before it catches up and causes issues for you.
So then, what can I do about my emotions?
The good news is that there are so many things you can do to cope with emotions that show up. A good place to start is to recognize the emotion, acknowledge it, name it, and notice as it passes through your mind. You may imagine your emotion on a surfboard riding the wave or on a lily pad floating down the river. You may tell the emotion “Thank you for showing up and letting me know something is bothering me”. This process might look different for everyone since we all have unique needs and different things work for different people. If you are interested in learning more ways to cope and manage your emotions, reach out to support@colorectalcancercanada.com and we can schedule a call with you and send worksheets, mindfulness activities, or any tools that may benefit you. Another option is to find a therapist near you or virtually to guide you as you learn to cope with emotions that come up for you.
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